He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
Randomize
