nut hugger
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
Dicks are not precious.
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
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