My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
Randomize
