Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
Randomize
