I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Randomize
