She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
Randomize
