Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
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