Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
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