You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
Randomize
