Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
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