How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
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