That's intense
So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Randomize
