I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
OPIZZABONMYDICK
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
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