you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
Randomize
