LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
And then he peed in my hair
Randomize
