I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
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