Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
I want to fling myself into the sun
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
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