I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
Randomize
