You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
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