does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
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