you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
Randomize
