Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Randomize
