flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
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