the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
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