You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
Randomize
