6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
Randomize
