Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
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