are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
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