I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
