did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
Randomize
