Do you still have your period?
if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
Randomize
