I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
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