I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
thanks. im glad you find me better in your comparison between me and fat girl porn.
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
Randomize
