Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
Randomize
