Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
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