dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
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