i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
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