Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
i have a lot of questions about the picture quality/lighting/motion/gravity of the balls...
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
Randomize
