yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
Randomize
