Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
Yea and his cousin visited from central and i fucked her i was texting him at work teasin him about it but sent it to his mom by accident
Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
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