You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
my god I love twenty year old dicks
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
Randomize
