Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
Randomize
