haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
It was a blind-side dick pic.
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
Randomize
