Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
Thumbs up
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
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