I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
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