So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
Randomize
