The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
Randomize
