My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
Is it cum slut, cumslut or cum-slut? Sexting, plz advise ASAP
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
Randomize
