He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
Randomize
