You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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