apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
Randomize
