I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
Randomize
