Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
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