Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
Randomize
