Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
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