Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Randomize
