I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
Ive seen teh same guy pissing in the corner. Twice. Its eally weird. My frieds gonna do th funnel. Im so excited for her! Love, cori. Cuz its lik a diary.
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
