I smell stomach acid.
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
Acid is not a monday night drug
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
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