who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
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