Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
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