Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
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