I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
Randomize
