Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
Randomize
