I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
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