My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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