i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
