dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
Randomize
